it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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