normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
