Dual....:-)
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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