dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
