What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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