they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
