Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I want to have your abortion
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
