I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she told me i tasted like america
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
