I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
