It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
