Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
