Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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