Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize