I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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