Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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