yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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