Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
