i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
