I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
