Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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