eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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