I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
