Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
