I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
