3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize