I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I party with great urgency now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
