i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
