How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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