I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
