why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize