How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
