it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
