If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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