I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
