I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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