I wanna passion pit in your ass
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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