so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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