all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
