But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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