I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
