SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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