I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize