Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
high people should be assigned attendants
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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