..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
