do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
