guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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