What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
sarcasm needs its own font
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
