somebody snuck up and got me drunk
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
