I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
