I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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