Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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