true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
