Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
