i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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