Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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