I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it's great music for shaving your balls
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
