the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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