life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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