If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize