Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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