just come out here and I will go home with you...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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