I cockslap morals
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
