mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize
