I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
