guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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