If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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