It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
