can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
