I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
