I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
